Thursday, January 5, 2012

"Be still and know that I am God"

16 days
That's how long we have before Thom and I are on a plane to Uganda.

As excited as I am....I'll admit, I'm also a little afraid.

Afraid of being away from my children for so long
Afraid of going through the process alone once Thom leaves to come home
Afraid the judge will say no
Afraid of flying home alone with both girls if he says yes
But mostly afraid that I will rely too much on myself and not enough on Him

I've been in this place before.  3 months ago as I walked to my dad's hospital room,  the fear was so intense that I thought my legs would give out.  I could hardly breathe. Fear paralyzed me as I waited to open his door, knowing what was waiting on the other side.  It was time to say goodbye.... and God held me up. He reminded me to breathe.

Why do I forget so easily? Why do I doubt that He will do it again?

"and He said to them,"Why are you afraid? O' you of little faith?"  Then He rose and rebuked the winds and the sea and there was a great calm."  ~Matthew 8:26

....a great calm.  I feel like I have been in the midst of that calm for months now, while the waves are crashing all around me.

It's a good place to be.
In the palm of His hand.

That's right where I want to stay.

When fear begins to creep in, I have to remember that this is His story...not mine.  Whatever happens will be for His glory.

A few weeks away from my husband and children here is a small price to pay if it means two little girls get a family and a home. 

Just writing this post has actually encouraged me and made me feel less afraid.  I don't know what the next few months are going to look like, but I do know that life is meant to be lived!
Fear should make us take action, not keep us from moving forward. 

So, with that said...Let the adventure begin!